Funny Stuff

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Do you email while drunk?

If so, Gmail has a new feature that will help try and prevent your potentially embarrassing emails from actually being sent out.  It is called “Mail Googles”.  Read about it here.

Mail Googles

Posted by SPN on 10/07 at 09:06 AM
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Thursday, August 07, 2008

Paris Hilton for President.

If you came here looking for naked pictures of Paris Hilton, you’ve got the wrong website.

Posted by SPN on 08/07 at 09:53 AM
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Sunday, June 08, 2008

Name the series that this quote comes from.

If you don’t get it, check the read more link to see plenty of more great quotes from this groundbreaking series.  I took the whole thing from Wikipedia.

Huey:: Mr. Jones, it’s Huey. You ready?
James Earl Jones::Young man, I told you last time this isn’t funny. You’re going to get us both in trouble.
Huey:: Last time, I promise. Hold on. [Opens a three-way call]
George W. Bush:: [Answers the phone] This is Bush.
Huey:: Mr. President, please hold for Darth Vader.
James Earl Jones:: [In full Vader voice] President Bush, this is Darth Vader… I wanted to thank you for helping spread Evil throughout the galaxy!
George W. Bush:: Uh… Thank you, Lord Vader! 

The Boondocks is a daily comic strip written and originally drawn by Aaron McGruder. Created by McGruder in 1997 for The Diamondback, the student newspaper at the University of Maryland, College Park, the comic strip was picked up by the Universal Press Syndicate in 1999 and made its national debut on April 19 of that year.




Huey: Riley, we’re not in Chicago anymore… These people are well-off… comfortable. These are not the hard streets of the South Side. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?
Riley: I think so. I’m the hardest, baddest thing for miles, and I can run amok here without fear.
Huey: No. Let me try this again…


Huey: Ok Jazmine, if you’re not Black, then what are you, Hmmm?
Jazmine: Well, let’s see… My mother is one-quarter Irish, one-quarter Swedish, and one-half German. And my grandmother on my father’s side is part Cherokee, and my grandfather is mostly French, I think, because he’s originally from Louisiana, and his father was from Haiti, I believe, which makes me…
Huey: Which makes you as black as Richard Roundtree in Shaft in Africa.
Jazmine: IT DOES NOT!! And who is Richard Roundtree?”


Sarah: Honey, we bought this house on the corner of Gurgling Brook and Blushing Dove, right?
Tom: Of course, why?
Sarah: Because now it’s on the corner of Wu-Tang Drive and Buckshot Avenue.
Tom: Huey or Riley?
Sarah: Riley. Will you talk to him, or should I fill out a change-of-address form?


Huey: Still practicing your “Thug Mug”?
Riley: Hey, “Keepin’ it Real” is hard work when you’re cursed with cuteness…



Huey: I’m sick of women singing about broke men, sick of men singing about loose women, sick of award shows, sick of name-brand clothes… From this moment on, I stand as the antithesis of Black popular culture!! I am the Anti-Cool! I hereby declare myself… A NERD!
Riley: Word?! You? A Nerd?! Speaking of shockers, I just found out that Wesley Snipes is Black! Really! So is Isaac Hayes! And Ray Charles still can’t see!! Can you believe it? Oh yeah, and I hear Bill Clinton really loves the ladies.



[Riley is writing a letter to Santa.]
Riley: While I am aware the Playstation 2 is a bit pricey, your records should indicate that I have, in fact, been remarkably good this year. [pauses] Please note that that the number of kids I smacked in the face just for living is down 25% from last year.


Hello and a hearty salute to Bob Johnson and BET, who recently proclaimed that BET does more to serve the Black community each and every day than the creator of this feature - one “playa hating” Aaron McGruder - has done his entire life. In order to follow the fine example set by Mr. Johnson, we present to you, the reader, in the spirit of Black uplift -
a black woman’s gyrating rear end.
[shows a drawing of a woman’s ass]


Huey: I don’t get it. What’s the significance of the name change? What’s “P.Diddy” supposed to mean?
Ceasar: Well… what can it rhyme with? “P.Diddy"… Let’s see… Witty… Kitty… City… Biddy… Doesn’t seem clear.
Huey: What about sh-
Ceasar: Stop that.


TV News: Senator Trent Lott reiterated the critical need for genetically enhanced super-commandos with multiple heads and appendages, saying “I’m confident the president will do right by America’s armed forces.” Meanwhile, the Japanese government announced that it was already well on its way to creating a three-headed soldier with wings and cybernetically implanted machine guns. They are promising to pour millions into further human cloning projects with the hope of “Making real life more like our really, really cool cartoons.”


Ceasar: I can’t believe they still have Ms Cleo on the run. I hope she’s ok.
[The phone rings.]
Huey: I guess I gotta go get that… [picks up the phone] Hello? This is he… Ok, good… Good… Excellent… Well, thanks for calling.... Take care. [hangs up]
Huey: She’s fine, and she says thanks for asking.
Ceasar: Cool.


[Huey is debating whether or not to see Attack of the Clones
Huey: See, on the one hand, I’m still mad at that whole Jar Jar Binks/Sambo bit in Episode I. On the other hand, we have Sam “Foot to Rear End” Jackson choppin’ heads with a purple lightsaber. I just don’t know what to do…


Huey: “And the winner of the “Black Artist Most Likely to Commit a sexual offense involving a twelve-year-old” award is…
[pause]
Huey: Y’know, it’s bad enough we even have to have this award, but… It’s a tie!


New Slang Alert: Brokeback (adj) - Used to describe anything of questionable masculinity. Believed to have originated from 2005 motion picture: Brokeback Mountain Here’s how to use it in daily conversation:
Granddad: It’s not a purse! It’s a man-bag! It’s very manly!
Riley: I don’t know, Granddad… looks kinda Brokeback to me…


Huey: Give me news of hope, Ceasar. Tell me of the leaders who dare to stand against the grave dangers faced by this world. I crave inspiration.
Ceasar: Says here Al Sharpton is protesting a cartoon for using the N-word.”
[silence]
Huey: I’m going back to bed.


[Huey is leading Thanksgiving grace.]
Huey: Ahem. In this time of war against Osama bin Laden and the oppressive Taliban regime, we are thankful that OUR leader isn’t the spoiled son of a powerful politician from a wealthy oil family who is supported by religious fundamentalists, operates through clandestine organizations, has no respect for the democratic electoral process, bombs innocents, and uses war to deny people their civil liberties. Amen.

Robert: This is the last time you say grace, boy.


Huey:: They always say I’m against the troops. I’m completely for the troops. Why, just last week I sent the president a 50 page “support our troops” resolution giving U.S. Soldiers or their families perpetual revenues from Iraqi Oil.
Caeser:: I’m going to miss you when they pass “Patriot Act 2”


Huey calls the FBI’s terrorism tip line ...
Huey:: I’m very serious. I know of several Americans who helped train and finance Osama bin Laden.
Speaker:: And how did you come by this information?
Huey:: A little investigating. It wasn’t that hard, actually.
Speaker:: Okay, give me some names.
Huey:: All right, let’s see ... the first one is Reagan. That’ R-E-A-G ... Hello? Hello?


TV News:: ..And today in sports, a black man somewhere ran with a ball and jumped with a ball and threw a ball and people got really excited as if they hadn’t seen it a million times before… ...Next, we’ll pretend like we can predict the weather…
Huey:: I definitely don’t hear the same news as other people.


Aaron Brown(on TV):: Welcome Back to CNN’s continuing coverage of the war in Iraq. I’m Aaron Brown. I have been so profusely moved by… everything that has happened since the war started. It’s all so… moving… and I care… So much. If you’ll excuse me, I… I just need a minute… [a beat] You do believe I care, don’t you?
Huey:: OH SHUT THE badword UP, AARON!!!


[Huey is writing a review of The Matrix Reloaded]

It’s important to note that not all moviegoers have been kind to the Matrix sequel. Many have complained that the movie is confusing, and I would have to agree. With so many black people in the movie, it was impossible to predict who would die first.


Ceasar:: You know, people say the best way to make good things happen is to put positive thoughts out into the universe.
Huey:: [thinking] Queen Latifa versus Ann Coulter in a steel cage deathmatch… Queen Latifah verses Ann Coulter in a steel cage deathmatch…


Huey:: Mr. Jones, it’s Huey. You ready?
James Earl Jones::Young man, I told you last time this isn’t funny. You’re going to get us both in trouble.
Huey:: Last time, I promise. Hold on. [Opens a three-way call]
George W. Bush:: [Answers the phone] This is Bush.
Huey:: Mr. President, please hold for Darth Vader.
James Earl Jones:: [In full Vader voice] President Bush, this is Darth Vader… I wanted to thank you for helping spread Evil throughout the galaxy!
George W. Bush:: Uh… Thank you, Lord Vader!


Caesar: Hey man, are you ok?
Huey: A friend of mine back home just died...I never got to say goodbye, you know? I keep wishing he’ll come back as a blue ghost, like Obi-Wan Kenobi. There’s so much I want to say to him. [sigh] Why can’t life be like Star Wars?
Caesar: Well, then Jar-Jar Binks would be real, and there’d be a bunch of Ewoks running around everywhere - nobody wants that.
Huey: A small price to pay if the people you love could come back as blue ghosts.


Tom: Huey, why did you tell Jazmine that Santa Claus is on Death Row in Hungary?
Huey: For the same reason you told her that Santa flies around the world passing out gifts with the help of magical reindeer. I guess we both really enjoy lying to small children.
Tom: IT’S NOT THE SAME!


Huey: See, I told you.
Caesar: I can’t believe it.
Huey: I’ve known some self-hating black people before, but this takes the cake.
Caesar: Oooh, we’re next… Merry Cristmas!
Uncle Ruckus: I hope you chimpanzees don’t have a chimney. 

Posted by SPN on 06/08 at 01:38 PM
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Quote of the (past) day.

“Dude, if Americans tolerated as much shit in their socks as they do in their president, they’d have mushrooms growing out of their badword ankles.”

Taken from http://www.mnftiu.cc/mnftiu.cc/war48.html

Posted by SPN on 04/16 at 01:40 PM
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Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Who where and when got what?

It’s so hard to explain… The p p p Package.  R Kelly just can’t be serious.  Can he?

The_Package.mp3

Here is the whole thing.

http://www.ifc.com/static/sections/kelly/trapped.html

Posted by SPN on 02/12 at 12:19 PM
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Is America ready for Chris Rock as President?

Posted by SPN on 02/12 at 10:52 AM
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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Squatters no more

Die-hard camping, road-tripping and concert-going women have long hoped for an invention that would facilitate peeing while standing up. But, few imaged it would be so ... sparkly.  You’ve got to see it!
http://www.shenis.com/about.html

Posted by Nuttshell on 10/02 at 02:45 PM
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Friday, August 24, 2007

The jury has been selected if Michael Vick goes to trial.

image

Posted by SPN on 08/24 at 09:28 AM
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Sunday, March 25, 2007

I love the Slowsky’s


Posted by SPN on 03/25 at 09:30 PM
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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Never ask George Bush tough questions.  He’ll make you disappear.

George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids, to get a little boost in his PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy
puts up his hand and George asks him his name.
“Stanley,” responds the little boy.
“And what is your question, Stanley?”
“I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?”
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t even have health insurance? “

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says,
“OK, where were we? Oh, that’s right: question time. Who has a question?” Another little boy puts up his hand.
George points him out and asks him his name. “Steve,” he responds.
“And what is your question, Steve?” “Actually , I have 6 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when 1/2 of all Americans don’t have health insurance?
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes Early?
And sixth, what the hell happened to Stanley?”

Posted by SPN on 10/17 at 10:27 AM
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Missing Person Alert (humor)

missing.pdf

Click the link to see the details.

Posted by SPN on 09/20 at 05:00 PM
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Monday, May 22, 2006

Advice from a man and his early retirement.

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took “early retirement” last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don’t yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men’s Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I’m ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it’s not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won’t clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take ‘em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won’t have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn’t hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I’m a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Julie. I’m not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women can become as they get older. However guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other… Ron

EDITOR’S NOTE: Ron died suddenly Thursday, May 26. He was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II (golf club) rammed up his backside, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Julie was arrested, but the all-woman Grand Jury accepted the explanation of her defense that he accidentally sat down on it very suddenly.

Posted by SPN on 05/22 at 12:28 PM
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Friday, May 19, 2006

IT’S JOKE TIME!…MAYBE…

Boy: Dad, what’s politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I
have all the money so we’ll call me the
management. Mom receives most of it so we’ll call
her the government. We’ll call the maid the
working class, you are the people, and your baby
brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don’t understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby
brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he’s
soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but
she’s asleep he goes in to the maids room but
she’s in there having sex with his dad. He bangs
on the door but no one can here him.

The next day…
Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words
son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class
while the governmenats is fast asleep. The people
are being ignored and the future is full of SH_ _!

Posted by CHANNI on 05/19 at 04:36 AM
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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Funny- Can you remember doing some of these?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

Posted by rosevine69 on 05/11 at 04:48 AM
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Friday, April 28, 2006

Thanks GOD, but no thanks.

I love my current home state until the vacationers come here.  Since the ocean is just a few miles away from here, this is a very personal story to me.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the Archangel, found Him resting on the seventh day. He inquires of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh Of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds. “Look, Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of the earth, “For example, Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Africa is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot.” God continued, pointing to different countries, “This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold anvered with ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass with an ocean as it border and said, “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God, “that’s the Jersey Shore, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, lakes, and climate. The people from the Jersey Shore are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high achieving people, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then exclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance! Everyone and everything seems so totally perfect in this place you call the Jersey Shore”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the assholes I’m sending down from New York every summer.

Posted by SPN on 04/28 at 03:58 PM
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