Saturday, January 31, 2004


A thought has occured to me.  Since I seem to be so willing to point out the stink in america and afar by nominating folks with personality challenges i should take the time to nominate myself for the same.

~ I am an asshole

Posted by bbeard on 01/31 at 02:34 PM
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asshole nomination

Boyd Coddington nomination for asshole.  i watched american hotrod from the discovery channel last night.  it was an interesting show.  What i noticed most was that boyd coddington 9 the famous hot rod maker) hid in his office.  his behavior when on camera was that of a coked -out jimmy buffet fan, hawiian shirt and all.  mostly what he did was yell at everyone and twitch.

you are nominated for asshole.

Posted by bbeard on 01/31 at 02:30 PM
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quote of the day

Those at the top of the mountain didn’t fall there. ~Marcus Washling

Posted by bbeard on 01/31 at 02:27 PM
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Friday, January 30, 2004

quote of the day

Success is the child of audacity.  - Benjamin Diseraeli

Posted by bbeard on 01/30 at 04:11 PM
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nomination for General Hawley for asshole

General Hawley, is a newly retired USAF 4 star general. He commanded the Air Combat Command [our front-line fighters and bombers] at Langley AFB, VA. 

Although I agree with some of the opinions in this dialog - being a retired 4 star general does make you an asshole.  ~ welcome to the club General Hawley!

Dialog is as follows:

“Since the attack [9-11], I have seen, heard, and read thoughts of
such surpassing stupidity that they must be addressed. You’ve heard them
too.  Here they are:”

“Since the attack [9-11], I have seen, heard, and read thoughts of

1) “We’re not good, they’re not evil, everything is relative.” Listen

carefully: We’re good, they’re evil, nothing is relative. Say it with

me now and free yourselves. You see, folks, saying “We’re good” doesn’t

mean, “We’re perfect.” Okay? The only perfect being is the bearded guy on

the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. The plain fact is that our country

has, with all our mistakes and blunders, always been and always will be the

greatest beacon of freedom, charity, opportunity, and affection in history. If

you need proof, open all the borders on Earth and see what happens.

2) “Violence only leads to more violence.” This one is so stupid you

usually have to be the president of an Ivy League university to say

it. Here’s the truth, which you know in your heads and hearts already:

Ineffective, unfocused violence leads to more violence. Limp,

panicky, half measures lead to more violence. However, complete, fully thought

through,professional, well executed violence never leads to more violence

because, you see, afterwards, the other guys are all dead. That’s right, dead.

Not “on trial,” not “reeducated,” not “nurtured back into the bosom of love.” Dead.

3) “The CIA and the rest of our intelligence community have failed

us.” For 25 years we have chained our spies like dogs to a stake in the

ground, and now that the house has been robbed, we yell at them for not

protecting us. Starting in the late seventies, under Carter appointee Stansfield

Turner, the giant brains who get these giant ideas decided that the best way

to gather international intelligence was to use spy satellites. “After

all, (they reasoned,) you can see a license plate from 200 miles away.”

This is very helpful if you’ve been attacked by a license plate.

Unfortunately, we were attacked by humans. Finding humans is not possible with

satellites. You have to use other humans. When we bought all our satellites, we

fired all our humans, and here’s the really stupid part. It takes years,

decades to infiltrate new humans into the worst places of the world. You

can’t just have a guy who looks like Gary Busey in a Spring Break ‘93 sweatshirt

plop himself down in a coffee shop in Kabul and say “Hiya, boys. Gee, I sure would

like to meet that bin Laden fella.” Well, you can, but all you’d be doing

is giving the bad guys a story they’ll be telling for years.

4) “These people are poor and helpless, and that’s why they’re angry

at us.” Uh-huh, and Jeffrey Dahmer’s frozen head collection was just a

desperate cry for help. The terrorists and their backers are richer

than Elton John and, ironically, a good deal less annoying. The poor

helpless people, you see, are the villagers they tortured and murdered to stay

in power. Mohammed Atta, one of the evil scumbags who steered those

planes into the killing grounds is the son of a Cairo surgeon. But you knew

this, too. In the sixties and seventies, all the pinheads marching against

the war were upper-middle-class college kids who grabbed any cause they

could think of to get out of their final papers and spend more time

drinking. It’s the same today.

5) “Any profiling is racial profiling.” Who’s killing us here, the

Norwegians? Just days after the attack, the New York Times had an

article saying dozens of extended members of the gazillionaire bin Laden

family living in America were afraid of reprisals and left in a huff, never

to return to studying at Harvard and using too much Drakkar. I’m

crushed. Please come back. Let’s all stop singing “We Are the World”

for a minute and think practically. I don’t want to be sitting on the floor in the

back of a plane four seconds away from hitting Mt.Rushmore and turn,

grinning, to the guy next to me to say, “Well, at least we didn’t offend them.”

SO HERE’S what I resolve for the New Year: Never to forget our

murdered brothers and sisters. Never to let the relativists get away with

their immoral thinking. After all, no matter what your daughter’s

political science professor says, we didn’t start this. Have you seen

that bumper sticker that says, “No More Hiroshimas”? I wish I had one that says,

“No More Pearl Harbors.”

Posted by bbeard on 01/30 at 02:52 PM
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Wednesday, January 28, 2004

time for a change

at the insistance of the dr’s my wife is going on the atkins diet.  to gain a more healthy self and provide support i myself am going to try the akins diet.  ill keep you posted on our progress

Posted by bbeard on 01/28 at 05:19 PM
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Questions for George W. Bush - ?W

I wasn’t aware of some of these.

Posted by SPN on 01/28 at 01:36 PM
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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

at it agin

it seems michael jackson has found another persons image to copy.

confused and bewildered m jackson has chosen to emulate another famous face.  he hopes with his choice of picasso the media and fans will take him seriously.image

Posted by bbeard on 01/27 at 11:53 PM
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nue speed

just went to dsl and converted the network here at home, posted is the new speed for 1/2 the price i was previously paying


Posted by bbeard on 01/27 at 06:19 PM
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man suspected of bail jumping, man referes to himself as the kiddy king.  authorities believe it could be michael jackson


Posted by bbeard on 01/27 at 05:29 PM
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good for a laugh or 2 or 3

a moment of 2003 headlines in review

Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says- gee no f*ckin sheet

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers i wonder iff they’ll start in LA

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? - not mine i use charmin

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope and just what is thier beef?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over- well there is an interesting one for the kids

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids - hmmm now i wonder what this really means

Miners Refuse to Work after Death -send those bastards to mars

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - gentlemen, please!

War Dims Hope for Peace - well we can tell which mensa program this asshole graduated from

If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile - ditto

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - assholes

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge - hmm my mind keeps racing to the sceene in just married when he plugs in the “device” in the french castle

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - finally something that makes sence

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft- didnt anyone ever tell you no badword mexican food, or smoking in tight places - that includes a space craft, automobile, public and privat bus, or airplane

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - but they take too long to grow , ship them to mars

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy- and we are all so greatful for this tasty tidbit

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half - ship those bastards to mars too

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors- now this one is kinda interesting.  its not particularly funny but how many seven foot doctors do you know?

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - ok a couple of thoughts here 1 how do you know who was and is now currently dead, just died; and if they just died was it beacuae of natural causes or the typhoon?  who was the investigator - (asshole) and what the hell are people hanging out in a cemetary for durring a badword typhoon i mean REALLY!! - asshole deluximo !!muchas mas las puncha de la bufadora!!

Posted by bbeard on 01/27 at 04:57 PM
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Let no one come to you without leaving better and happier.

Mother Teresa

Posted by SPN on 01/27 at 01:15 PM
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Asshole or not?

I’d get into trouble for nominating our president for asshole of the past 3.5 years.  So I won’t do it.  I will second and third any nominations to add him to the list.

Send a man to Mars, indeed!

Posted by SPN on 01/27 at 10:15 AM
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Funny website of the week!

Poor old Michael Jackson.

Posted by SPN on 01/27 at 08:59 AM
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Monday, January 26, 2004

asshole nomination

id like to nominate george carlin as asshole.

Posted by bbeard on 01/26 at 06:49 PM
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