The 10 Most Aggravating Things About Black Women

1 SHE NAGS ME ALL THE TIME. This is the cry of nearly every man who has listened to a woman’s incessant badgering about what he should or shouldn’t do.
The woman who constantly nags her mate, Dr. Hare says, is trying to shape the man into her image of who she thinks he should be rather than accepting him for who he is. He contends that some Black women have internalized what the dominant culture has said about Black men and has used it against him.
“A woman’s nagging ultimately stems from her dissatisfaction with the Black male’s inability to succeed in the marketplace as quickly as a White male,” Dr. Hare asserts. “On one level she knows that systematic racism has kept him down, but she forgets that when it comes to her own individual case.”
Yet, Dr. Bennett surmises that the man who complains that his wife is a nag feels that his manhood is been challenged when she complains about his behavior.
“His relationship with this woman,” Dr. Bennett stresses, “may be reminiscent of his childhood relationship with his mother when she had the power an control by virtue of being his mother.”

2 SHE’S TOO BOSSY. The issue of bossiness, marriage counselors say, has to do with the man’s perception of who has the power in the relationship.
“Black men often feel particularly vulnerable when it comes to power and control issues in a relationship,” Dr. Bennett says. “many men feel that their manhood is constantly under attack from nearly all aspects of American society, including within their relationships with a woman.”
However, Dr. Hare blames a woman’s bossiness on the breakdown in the African-American family, which has forced the woman to play a dominant role. “Many Black women are used to living in a home where the mother is dominant,” he says. “She sees the mother bossing everyone around and she follows suit in her own family.”

3 SHE ALWAYS WANTS THINGS HER WAY. Dr. Bennett says this complaint speaks to the man’s feeling powerless in the relationship. She says the man reasons, “If I do things her way, she has the power.”
Dr. Berry maintains that just because a woman wants things done her way all the time. “At least her request is out there on the table,” she surmises. “Besides, whose other way should she ask for except her own?”

4 SHE ALWAYS EXPECTS ME TO PAY. Modern women have yet to break the time-honored social custom of the man always picking up the tab, Dr. Hare declares.
“Women want to have their cake and eat it, too,” Dr. Hare asserts. “They know they have more money and should be footing the bill, but they say they don’t to hurt the man’s pride. Even in Platonic business relationships, women are slow to pick up the check.”
Economic burdens should be shared between the partners in a relationship, Dr. Bennett advises, particularly because of the unemployment and underemployment of many Black men in this society.
Dr. Phillips agrees says, “If the issue of who will pay isn’t discussed early on, the man feels that he needs to take it; that puts a pressure on the man that doesn’t need to be there.”

5 SHE’S ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT ME TO HER FRIENDS. Women can go overboard in talking to friends about their personal relationships, which can sometimes backfire, Dr. Hare asserts.
“Some women boast to their friends about how they didn’t let the man get away with anything,” Dr. Hare maintains. “They complain to their friends about their mates and that usually gets reinforced by their friends. I advocate that people don’t talk to friends about their mates, unless the friend is supportive of the relationship.”
Dr. Berry contends that women talk to their friends because of the feedback they get from other women. “Women find other women to be very supportive and they usually discuss problems, joys and things that they are very excited about with other women because of the feedback they get,” she says.

6 SHE SPENDS TOO MUCH TIME WITH HER FAMILY. Some man may feel insecure about a woman’s frequent visits with her family because, Dr. Bennett says, they think “she may be over there with them ganging up on me.”
Dr. Hare concurs, “Some men often have problems with a woman who spends time with her family because he may feel rejected by his in-laws,” he says.
The man may feel under fire because he lacks a high-paying job or a college education, Dr. Hare says. The man may also feel that his in-laws are rehashing negative things that have happened in the past and are using them to turn the woman against him.
However, Dr. Phillips, counsels couples to continue the African-American tradition of spending time with members of their extended families.

7 SHE NEVER COOKS. The way to a man’s heart is probably through his stomach. That’s why in many relationships a woman’s refusal to prepare meals can become a bone of contention.
When a woman doesn’t cook, Dr. Hare says, a man may be offended because he thinks the woman is not upholding her household responsibilities.
“A lot of men take it as a personal insult if the woman doesn’t cook,” Dr. Hare asserts. “The man may think the woman is angry and not caring.”
And if a woman knows that her mate gets upset when she doesn’t cook, Dr. Hare says the woman may use it as a weapon in an attempt to manipulate and control the man.
Not cooking can be a formidable weapon because it goes to the heart of some men’s feelings of security. Dr. Bennett surmises that many men consider a woman’s cooking for him as an indication of her love and caring. “Cooking may represent the nurturance that the man got or did not get from his own mother, but continues to crave,” she says.

8 SHE’S ALWAYS RUNNING LATE. Relationship experts agree that this is intolerable behavior. A woman who is consistently tardy is disorganized and lacks respect for the other person’s time.
Yet, some women run late on purpose, Dr. Hare asserts, in an attempt to control men.
“Especially when courting, women spend a lot of time getting ready so they can make a good impression on the man,” Dr. Hare says. “But some women use the excuse of wanting to look good as a ploy to make the man wait. It is a passive-aggressive way of manipulating men.”

9 SHE TALKS TOO MUCH. Yak, yak, yak. The constant chatter is enough to drive even the most attentive man out of his mind.
Most men feel that being present and providing for the woman is enough to maintain a relationship, Dr. Hare says, while women feel compelled to talk to their mates about every detail of the partnership.
The disparity stems from the different ways in which men and women have been socialized, Dr. Berry contends. As children, boys are encouraged to perform, she says, while girls are persuaded to talk.
“An adult will take Johnny outside to throw the ball,” Dr. Berry says, “but the adult will ask Suzie what she’s done in school.”
Dr. Bennett concurs. “Women often share more about the feelings, issues and activities in their relationships with family, friends and co-workers than do men,” she says. “Many men are uncomfortable with this level of openness.”

10 SHE NEVER RESPECTS MY PRIVACY. An invasion of privacy is always wrong, the experts agree.
“A lot of women are very good detectives,” Dr. Hare says with a laugh. “If you try to show a woman something, she probably wouldn’t be interested. But if you act like you are trying to keep something from her, then she’s really interested.
Dr. Berry stresses that men are entitled to have things that are their own. “Wives and girlfriends don’t have to know everything,” she says. “The motivation behind invading someone’s privacy is a desire to be in control, which stems from insecurity and a lack of trust in the relationship.”

Posted by loni on 09/14 at 02:02 PM in Racism / Prejudice

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