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Category: Funny Stuff


Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Missing Person Alert (humor)

missing.pdf

Click the link to see the details.

Posted by SPN on 09/20 at 05:00 PM in Funny Stuff
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Monday, May 22, 2006

Advice from a man and his early retirement.

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there’s nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Julie. When I took “early retirement” last year, it became necessary for Julie to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.

MORE...
Posted by SPN on 05/22 at 12:28 PM in Funny Stuff
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Friday, May 19, 2006

IT’S JOKE TIME!…MAYBE…

Boy: Dad, what’s politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I
have all the money so we’ll call me the
management. Mom receives most of it so we’ll call
her the government. We’ll call the maid the
working class, you are the people, and your baby
brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don’t understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby
brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he’s
soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but
she’s asleep he goes in to the maids room but
she’s in there having sex with his dad. He bangs
on the door but no one can here him.

The next day…
Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words
son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class
while the governmenats is fast asleep. The people
are being ignored and the future is full of SH_ _!

Posted by CHANNI on 05/19 at 04:36 AM in Funny Stuff
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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Funny- Can you remember doing some of these?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMH0bHeiRNg

Posted by rosevine69 on 05/11 at 04:48 AM in Funny Stuff
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Friday, April 28, 2006

Thanks GOD, but no thanks.

I love my current home state until the vacationers come here.  Since the ocean is just a few miles away from here, this is a very personal story to me.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the Archangel, found Him resting on the seventh day. He inquires of God, “Where have you been?”

God sighed a deep sigh Of satisfaction and proudly pointed downward through the clouds. “Look, Michael, look what I’ve made.”

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?”

“It’s a planet,” replied God, “and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it earth and it’s going to be a great place of balance.”

“Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of the earth, “For example, Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while Africa is going to be poor. The Middle East over there will be a hot spot.” God continued, pointing to different countries, “This one will be extremely hot and while this one will be very cold anvered with ice.”

The Archangel, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass with an ocean as it border and said, “What’s that one?”

“Ah,” said God, “that’s the Jersey Shore, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, lakes, and climate. The people from the Jersey Shore are going to be modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, and high achieving people, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.”

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then exclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance! Everyone and everything seems so totally perfect in this place you call the Jersey Shore”

God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the assholes I’m sending down from New York every summer.

Posted by SPN on 04/28 at 03:58 PM in Funny Stuff
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Thursday, April 27, 2006

COUGH SYRUP

THIS IS CUTE…

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily against a
wall. He asks the blonde clerk “What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”

The blonde clerk responds:  “Well, he came in here this morning to get
something for his cough.  I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an
entire bottle of laxative.”

The pharmacist yells: “You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a laxative!”

The blonde clerk responds, “Of course you can!  Look at him, he’s afraid to
cough.”

Posted by CHANNI on 04/27 at 11:44 AM in Funny Stuff
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

A survey of pooping techniques at the workplace.

Normally I just make an announcement on the intercom and offer money to whoever can stand the aftermath.

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back
in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much
as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for
taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so
the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t
know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
smell has left your pants.

MORE...
Posted by SPN on 04/25 at 06:30 AM in Funny Stuff
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Monday, April 24, 2006

Cynthia McKinney is Buckwheat.

Buckwheat is Cynthia Mckinney

image

If I hadn’t seen this at full resolution, I wouldn’t have believed it.

Posted by SPN on 04/24 at 10:33 AM in Funny Stuff
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Thursday, April 20, 2006

25 Signs You Have Grown Up!

Man how true is this list! 

25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those #@$% &*) kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh S-!- what the hell happened?”

Bonus:
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt.

Posted by loni on 04/20 at 09:07 AM in Funny Stuff
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Sunday, April 16, 2006

The Collard Greens

Everyone in prison isn’t completely bad.

An old black man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his yearly
collard green garden, but it was always very hard work for him because
the ground was hard. His only son, Junebug Jankins III, who used to help
him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described
his predicament.

Dear Junebugg Jankins the III,
I am feeling pretty bad because it look like I won’t be able to plant my
collard green garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging
up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you
would dig the plot for me. Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son…

Dear Daddy Jankins,
Whatever you do, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the
BODIES.

Love Junebugg Jankins III

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug
up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the
old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son…

Dear Daddy Jankins,
You can go ahead and plant the collard greens now. That’s the best I
could do under the circumstances.

Love Junebugg III

Posted by SPN on 04/16 at 09:11 AM in Funny Stuff
Comments (3) • Permalink
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